The Art of Letting Go
The rice fields of Ubud, Bali - © Dylan Monteverde 2020
The Ego
I resonate most with the ego being defined as a false sense of identity or self. The birth of the ego manifests during childhood, is a projection of our reality, and separates us from the world.
Our Ego is a double-edged sword. It protects us and acts as a survival mechanism. Conversely, it can be the root of our most profound suffering.
The Ego lives in the past and future. The present moment is its enemy. It is driven by fear, chronically unsatisfied, critical, opinionated, and always takes everything personally.
Much to our dismay, we cannot rid ourselves of our ego; it's part of our psyche. No matter how many hours we meditate or enlightened we think we’ve become— the ego is here to stay.
So therefore, the key is to make the ego our friend, not our enemy.
In life, we interact with people constantly. Interpersonal relating is a fundamental pillar of the human experience. We are social creatures, and we cannot live without each other. (Remember isolation during the pandemic? It sucked).
Navigating interpersonal relationships is highly complex, and our egos play a significant role.
When we walk out our front door daily, our fragile egos are exposed to infinite possibilities of being bruised and battered.
It is not uncommon for a family member or coworker to say something that offends us deeply. We have to live with spouses, partners or friends betraying us. Sometimes, even our business partnerships break down, threatening our entire livelihood.
How we respond or react in such unsavoury yet inevitable life circumstances depends on our ego.
Here’s an example:
One day you are walking down the street and see your friend Jenny across the road. You are very fond of Jenny, so your spirit lights up enthusiastically to greet her. As you wave cheerfully at her, Jenny doesn’t wave back at you. You suddenly feel waves of disappointment, shame and anger pulsating through your body.
Your ego starts to protest: How could she do this to me? Who does she think she is? She probably thinks she's better than me! I am furious. I will never speak to her again. She is cancelled!
Days go by, and the ego has kept you in constant anguish, playing back the experience in your mind like a broken record.
Every time you think of Jenny, your body is flooded with a cocktail of negativity— poisoning your nervous system and shifting your mood. This is just one isolated event. We experience many throughout our days. Weeks, months and years can go by, and you now carry a reservoir of accumulated negative feelings and resentments.
Instead of letting go, the ego keeps you in a constant state of suffering, sucking the joy out of you.
How many people do you know that are still talking about a divorce or something someone did to them many years ago? The ego, addicted to the suffering from the experience, created a victim mentality that forms an integral part of their identity. They cannot release the pain. The ego refuses to let go and has sadly made a bigot out of them.
For the avoidance of doubt, feeling hurt, anger, or even rage is normal when someone wrongs you. The point is not to suppress or escape these emotions or turn the other cheek. The point is to learn when the ego is not serving you and letting go of unnecessary suffering. But how?
The Art of Letting Go
This post aims to bring awareness to the life-changing magic of letting go.
A life lesson I learned living a tumultuous journey is that once you process the negative emotions, a healthy ego lets go, forgives and moves on. You forgive as a gift to yourself; it is not even about the person that wronged you.
The first step to mastering the art of letting go is to practice becoming aware of the illusory nature of the ego.
Letting go is the instant cessation of that all-consuming internal pressure we carry unnecessarily. It is the dropping of a huge weight off our shoulders. Letting go consciously generates feelings of relief and lightness. It creates space for a renewed sense of connection, creativity, joy and peace.
The next time you are in a situation where your ego is triggered, take a moment to observe the negative feelings that arise in your body. Honour them. Do not resist them. Witness how the ego starts spinning a narrative in your mind. Do not identify with your ego.
Once you process what has occurred, let the feelings run their course without judgment or resistance.
Remind yourself that you no longer need the overprotection of the ego. Thank your ego for doing its job and let it all go. This is true freedom.
Life is short, and the last thing we need is to spend it carrying a suffering cross of our own doing.
The more you practice consciously letting go, the more joy and peace you will experience.
Letting go requires practice, dedication and a deepening awareness of the self. I am here to support you if you feel called to expand your consciousness and work on your ego.
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